I’m a Christmas light Scrooge!

Christmas lights are a total freakin’ scam designed to waste your time and take your money. Here’s why:

Putting any lights on anything requires a minimum of two hours, and that’s if you’re lucky. Somehow, even throwing some net lights on a bush takes forever to get them on and looking decent.
They’re a pain in the ass to store, and a bigger pain to untangle the next year. Even two strings of lights requires a huge box to put them in and an hour to untangle, no matter how carefully you wrapped them up last year.
Last year’s perfect string of lights is this year’s broken pile of crap. No matter how well you store them, half the strings don’t work when you get them out again. Bulbs have burned out or cracked, a wire’s broken and part of the string doesn’t light up or the WORST, a bulb is loose and you spend an hour troubleshooting to figure out which one it is.
You always need more. No matter what you put on the house last year, you need to buy more. Whether you’re adding to your festive holiday display or you need to replace all of the broken strings (see above), every year the big box retailers and the light manufacturers know that you’re a sucker who’s going to pay the full before-Christmas, non-clearance prices for another 500 mini-lights.

Bah humbug!

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http://www.stacyholmstedt.com/ Stace

I'm a Christmas light hypocrite. I love seeing other houses all lit up (within certain tasteful parameters). But I'm not going to light up mine for the reasons you state above.
http://matthewpetro.wordpress.com Matthew Petro

Ha! I respect your ability to recognize your hypocrisy. In truth, Tracie and I are total light snobs. We comment on what's wrong with all but the best displays, but make no attempt to light up our own house.
http://wesleytech.com WesleyTech

I agree, managing and hanging up your own Christmas lights sucks! I got ours up super early this year due to some prodding from
@TeraT, so at least we'll be able to enjoy them longer this year
Jenny Carnie

Or you could just be like @StuartCarnie and put them up really, really well one year, and then refuse to take them down. . . Cons – you look like the lazy ghetto house on your street, your wife gives you grief, you have to invite the neighbors over for wine to ignore your lights. Pros – you are the first house every year to have your lights up. ? Well, maybe not.
http://matthewpetro.wordpress.com Matthew Petro

Good job! I think Tracie would prod me to put up lights on our house, but we helped her mom put lights on her house and her grandma's house, so she knows I've had my fill of fighting with the damn things.
http://matthewpetro.wordpress.com Matthew Petro

HA! Lights still on after the holidays look so trashy! In HOA-ruled neighborhoods like ours, that will get you a big fat fine. Although it probably is as expensive as wining and dining your neighbors.
Lonna

I disagree. This year my husband refused to put the lights up… so my 5 yo and I did it. We had a blast and our house looks great! Seeing through a child's eyes makes your perspective change.
@GreatDemands
http://matthewpetro.wordpress.com Matthew Petro

I'm sure kids change your perspective dramatically. Since I don't have any, the value of hassling with lights is pretty low for me. But I'm glad you found a lot of fun in putting yours up!
Lonna

I disagree. This year my husband refused to put the lights up… so my 5 yo and I did it. We had a blast and our house looks great! Seeing through a child's eyes makes your perspective change.
@GreatDemands
http://matthewpetro.wordpress.com Matthew Petro

I'm sure kids change your perspective dramatically. Since I don't have any, the value of hassling with lights is pretty low for me. But I'm glad you found a lot of fun in putting yours up!